What prompted me write this post is my recent episode of embarrassment in class.
I didn't think I was actually feeling embarrassed until my friend told me my face was flushed. God how I wish I didn't have blood vessels in my face at that moment. My face totally sold my subconscious out. The story went like this:
I was in class and it was near the end. We were told to finish a 10-minute exercise and we were free to go after it was done. So that was what I did. After submitting my answers, I packed like everyone else and told my friend I would be meeting them at the toilet. Straight away, I stood up with my bag and left the class.
As I was walking past the other students, I noticed none of them was leaving and noted that as strange but I didn't give it another thought. It was not until one of my friends voiced out that the teacher hadn't actually said we can go. At that time, I was already standing at the door.
When I was outside, I overheard that teacher was going to announce the homework to be done. Being who I am, I instinctively pushed back in to listen. I still vividly remember my friends' face, my teacher's smile and the weight of my bag on my back. I tried my best to laugh my embarrassment off. Instead of trying to squeeze my way back to my seat, I stood next to my friend's seat and listened.
While we were walking out (again for me) together, my friend mentioned that if she were me, she would not come back in and my face was red when I went back into class. It was upon hearing this that my feeling of embarrassment surged. After we parted ways, all I could think on my drive home was the incident.
No matter how hard I told myself I don't care and it was not even embarrassing, the memory kept coming back, forcing me to live it again and again. It's like it's trying to reinforce its status in my list of historic embarrassing moments to push itself up to the top of the chart.
Have any of you felt the same way as me?
What I do to try to overcome it
1. Think of something else
Image from quote addict
I don't want the moment to be in the list. I don't want to remember it as an embarrassing moment. Every time the memory kicked in, I forced myself to think of something else. Most often I led myself to recall the scenes in my favourite music videos. From Taylor Swift running in beautiful gowns in Love Story to her writing notes to the boy next door in You Belong With Me, whatever that works.
2. Alter the memory
From the season 4 finale of Sherlock (and tonnes of psychological studies), we know that memory is alterable. All we have to do is insert something that will reduce the embarrassment into the memory every time it surfaces. Rewrite the memory until it does not cause you to cringe when you think about it. It will be better if you are able to make it funny in your mind. For me, I tried to think that I was one of them ninjas who walked silently that no one even noticed my presence.
3. Talk about it
It is difficult to let go of something if you are unable to talk about it. Try talking about it to your friends or family will definitely help. The first thing I did was telling my friends I did not feel embarrassed, which to think about it now, is not entirely untrue. I did not consciously feel embarrassed until one of them told me my face was red. HAHA.
4. Don't feel embarrassed by it
More often than not, you are the only one who still remembers the situation and feel embarrassed. Most will not even remember what happened the next second and don't even care what happened. If you stop taking it as embarrassing, instead maybe recount it as one of the funniest days in your life, it may have just become that way.
5. Ignore the memory
As 'noisy' as it is, ignore it the best you can. The more you do so, you brain will slowly be rewired to reduce its resurfacing frequency since it is not catching your attention with it. It's like a kid you need to teach to show him what's the right thing to do at the right time.
6. Tell yourself it could've gone worse
In my case, at least I went back in to listen to the teacher, he would've known I made a genuine mistake instead of trying to rush out. At least I did not trip on my way back in, that would be ten times more embarrassing that it was. At least I did not say something stupid to trigger a wave of laughter in class. At least not everyone in class knows my name. At least not all of them were paying attention when I walked back in. You could do the same!
7. Tell yourself others have had worse
There is Jennifer Lawrence tripping on her dress at the 2013 Academy Awards and 2014 Oscars. It's impossible to beat that. But what did Lawrence do? She laughed it off as gorgeously as she is.
2013 Academy Awards
2014 Oscars: Almost pulled the person in front down with her too.
8. Make it a funny story
Not only it showcases your funny persona and ability to wipe off bad memories, it helps you make new friends and deep first impressions if told to the right person at the right time. Guess it's not entirely bad if you embarrass yourself, am I right?
So what's so much to worry about a bad moment, it is in the past and it doesn't haunt you if you don't let it to. It might seem big now until the next one comes by. Don't let yourself be tortured!
Phew! Now that I've shared my story, I definitely feel less cringe-y when think about it.
Need to talk about it? You can leave a comment below or even message me privately on Facebook to share with me your experiences if it helps you talk about it (point number 3)!
Thank you for reading, I hope this helps! See you in the next post!
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