I Switched From Dentistry to Accounting

When I started writing this post, the first title name that came into my mind was night changes. I thought it would fit perfectly. However, it is not conveying what I intended as well as this title now so I changed. 

The first time I stumbled upon that song I fell in love with it immediately. However, as much as I'd like to talk about this song whole day there is some news more important that I have to break to you.

A decision that seems rushed and hasty, a mind that makes up in time deemed short, a letter that takes two difficult weeks to get through, a week that is full of love and hate.

One simplified summary of the period of change that impacts a lot on my future because....

I've made the biggest call in my life to 

QUIT DENTISTRY and EMBRACE ACCOUNTING.

Calm your breath, relax your pupil and sit down if you aren't because you are about to read a long, wordy, emotional and rational (am I contradicting myself?) post.

!!Warning!! 

Do not read if personal stuff is too much for you.

Watch this One Direction music video (Night Changes) instead. :)

Truth be told, I don't hate dentistry. If there is something that I feel proud of, it is me being a dental student. I love telling people about it (that's why you have those posts about dentistry!) and I especially fancy the skills I acquire in school. In a way, it makes me feel useful because hey, we are talking about the expertise in cleaning teeth and treating oral diseases! Aren't they cool in just the way they sound and at the same time, contributing to the overall wellness of the society? Treating patients in a lot of ways satisfies my need to feel great about myself and that was the reason I pushed myself so hard to enter dental school.

But at the same time it is a pain in the arse. From the first day since I was born, I am hardwired to destroy any delicate handwork. Sewing, embroidery, art crafts, drawing, anything that you can relate to hand skills, I am bound to screw up. When it comes to working on a patient, I fear this will become my fatal flaw (more like the patients'?). This fear of hurting people when I work as a dentist (I have wild imaginations) accumulated day after day. The thing is, I was actually doing okay when practising on simulated patients in lab. But the thoughts wouldn't stop bugging me. The situation was getting worse when I have a strong need to be good, more like perfect (OCD much?), at what I'm doing. 

You might say it's all in my mind but...

I woke up every morning hating the day I hadn't even faced, wore a sweet smile that carried me throughout the day, isolated myself each time I had the chance and slept with the hatred that filled every corner of my brain. There were days I cried myself to sleep and woke up abruptly in the middle of the night scared that I missed school when in fact it was only 3 in the morning. There were also moments I broke down simply because I was too afraid to go back to school. To those who don't know me personally (yet?), my outside is a bad picture of what I truly feel inside because I'm not used to showing too much emotion but if I let it go and cry, it means something serious is going on. 

On that day I opened up to my parents, my tears tap went autopilot for at least an hour. It was near impossible to talk because of the sobbing and I couldn't stop it. The pain that followed was what cleared my mind up. I need to leave. Dentistry was tearing me apart and I had to go. It had stripped me off my goals, swayed me off the wagon and given me a hard kick on the butt. To climb back up I must make some changes. Either I swallow the tears and resort to more sorrow or tough up and accept the challenges to turn life around. I chose the latter. 

It may seem irrational in the way I presented it and you might think (or at least have a wisp of thought) that I am hypnotising myself. Well, I don't deny that that might be true but what I felt at the time my decision was made confirmed my choice further. It felt as if thousands of millions of rocks have been lifted from my body (could have died under that weight haha), I let out the loudest sigh of relief possible. Years of suppressed feelings were all released at once, now I am free. Free of pain, free of hatred, free of despair. I know from that moment although I like dentistry, it's not my true calling.

I have to say I am a lucky person. Without my girls (and boys), there was no way I could make it out that one craggy road I walked. They made me smile when I felt down and gave me warmth when I was cold. I know I hadn't been able to express my gratitude properly so to those of you who are reading this, thank you. Thank you for what you did for me and the words you said to me. Thank you for your shower of love when I was living in hell. Thank you for making me feel wanted when I chose to exit the underground tunnel. Thank you for eating with me the last night even before some of your competency test. Thank you for giving me the biggest bear hug when I needed it the most. Thank you. 

With all of your love and a fresh mind, I am going to lead a new life and face different stress that I've never come across before. Some of you have been warning me of the differences and some of you are thinking that I'm a confused kid who just wants an easy life now. To the former, don't worry about me because I have quite a, hmm... full overview, I'd say, of what I'm putting myself into. There is no way I can know for sure this is exactly the right decision but there is always a way to make the decision right with my own actions. To the latter, quit calling me that before you even try to understand me. I walked a long way to where I was and it wasn't easy for me to blow off everything I earned. All my life (seriously, since I was three) I'd been planning for myself to get a scholarship and to enter a medical/dental school that allows my dreams to come true. It takes loads of reliable information to comfort my heavy heart and to finally switch paths. So please take it easy on me by choosing the right words when you first came across this news, my little soul is fragile and sensitive. Your kind deed is very much appreciated.

So, story's done. At least for this chapter of my life. 

Updates: I am now working as a clerk in an office for a really short duration as my new accounting course, ICAEW, in Sunway is starting in less than three weeks. Being a clerk came relatively naturally to me because I am back to organisational skills and maths again. I am able to practise being systematic again and mostly nothing is subjective. Everything has a rule to be followed and my life feels more complete as if a puzzle piece has finally be found. 

Okay, it is too fast to conclude right now since this is for a lifetime but, yeah, at least I am enjoying being a clerk. BE HAPPY FOR ME. HAHA! :D

Thank you for reading, see you in the next post!